The dads who are drowning quietly

Over the last few weeks I have seen dozens of mums bring in their sons and daughters, trying to navigate their mental health and their lives at home and school.

It has had me thinking more and more about the role of dads, who are so often at work during the appointment. Recently I asked a mum how dad was going. Her answer stuck with me. She said she just wished she could get him to come in and see someone, that if he would talk to someone family life would be so much easier, and that he is there but he is not really there.

I am a dad too. And if I am honest, I can be that guy, the one who needs to talk more and be more present with his kids.

There are so many dads out there who seem to be drowning quietly. Working long hours, no downtime, no mates they actually talk to. Confused by their kids' meltdowns and shutdowns, wanting desperately to help and having no idea how. Feeling like they are failing at work and at home, all at once.

And because no one ever taught them what to do with that feeling, it builds. Into a few more drinks each night. Into the shed as an escape. Into staying silent because it is easier not to say anything. Into a slow withdrawal from the family that needs them most, and that they need most.

No dad should ever feel ashamed of any of this. We are all learning as we go. But it is important they do not ignore it either, because there is help out there if they are willing to accept it.

Dads are emotional beings, just like mums. They grieve, they worry, they break. They are allowed to cry. They are allowed to say they are not coping. What so many men were never allowed to do is admit any of it. So they do not. They hold it, and slowly it holds them.

You can be struggling. You can be lost. You can love your kids so much and still have no idea what you are doing. None of that makes you less of a father.

So this is a simple message to any dad or father figure who feels this way: come in and have a chat. Find a GP, a mate or a psychologist you trust and get things off your chest. Nothing is too hard to handle once it is shared.